For over a year I have been worn down by feelings of no self-worth. These feelings go deeper than my day to day emotions. I find joy, connection, and peace with my family. I see the work I do and most days I feel I've done what I can do.
But within me I've been searching for the feminine. Where is She? Most of my readers know I'm spiritual. I am also religious. Trying to find the feminine within a patriarchal religion can feel nearly hopeless. Reading scriptures focused mainly on men, trying to figure out why breasts and birthing and women are used as metaphors for men is not only utterly confusing, it has damaged me.
I had a friend tell me last year that She, our Heavenly Mother is everywhere. I have been watching for Her since we had that conversation and I can say I have found a deeper connection.
I have also sunk to the lowest levels of my spirituality and wondered why women, for millennia, have been so badly treated. Why we are still not seen as equals. Why our power is not acknowledged.
Here are my musings so far in my journey to find her. (I reserve the right to change my beliefs.)
She is the Mother of all creation. She has Divine power. I carry that Divine power within me. I come from the Greatness that She is. I have magical blood power that flows through me monthly. This power cannot be taken or mimicked. It regulates my flow through life. It regulates my flow back to Her. She is in all and through all things. She has been translated out of the sciptures. She is half of Elohim. She is the one He could not spend eternity without. She carries us. She supports us endlessly. She has a real body. Just like mine, only perfected. My hips, arms, and womb are holy, pure, and Divine. I have no need to shame any part of my body. She does not shame hers. She glorifies Herself. I glorify Her by existing.
Although I don't remember Her real name, I do have synonyms: Wisdom, Ashtoreth, Eloah, Asherah. Menorahs are reminders of her. As are my favorite willow trees, other trees, owls, doves, and snakes. She loves the earth and all that live on it. She is waiting for us women to embrace Her to bring Her back into our reality so that the earth can be balanced. So that humanity can be balanced.
Creativity starts in woman, from whom all creation flows. Man comes from Woman. They are pieces of us. Man taken from a woman.
She is worthy of prayer, glory, honor, praise, gratitude, appreciation, and love. I am re-learning these things for Her.
She is worth my time. She is worth my patience.
I am worth Her time. I am worth Her patience.
She has eternal worth and gladness and joyfully weeps that I have chosen the similar path she chose.
She is the ultimate hedgewitch. Healing in mysterious, miraculous ways that cannot be named. She enlightens the mind's of women and men to know her mysteries. She knows all herbs and has created them to heal each of us. She left no one out in her healing creations. She works through prophecy, visions, spiritual sight, body knowledge, and astrology. Remember Her connection with the moon. I am re-remembering my connection with the moon.
I am here to become like Her. "To know and understand God-dess." She is Goddess. I am here to know and understand Her so that I can become like Her. I carry on Her heritage of knowing myself, my body, my gifts, my talents, my abilities. I create my reality to include Her every moment, just as I include Her Husband.
Can you feel her emerging from the darkness? From our darkness? We are becoming lighter, and She is the one illuminating.
If you would like to read more on this topic, I suggest these books below. These are affiliate links and using them helps me run this site!