Most of my childhood is a blur. I have very few memories as a child. I have excerpts of sitting in school, being bored. I have random moments with friends and playing soccer and I have one book that I truly remember reading countless times, Wait till Helen Comes (A ghost story).
My teenage years started out great. I moved to Colorado with my mom and step-dad and found some friends. As I got older I was more focused on feelings of inadequacy and I tried to find my worth in things that do not provide true worth. To mask the pain that was bringing I began drinking alcohol and really spiraled into major depression and anxiety. I was on anxiety medication for about 6 years.
I moved to Portland after high school. While I was on my own and experiencing life, for the most part I was not happy (although at the time I thought I was). After two years there I moved to Boise. This is really where my memories start. I remember why I chose to join the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. Even though I had a vow (to myself) to never join an organized religion, the missionaries (really, the doctrines of the church) answered some of my deepest questions about life and about God. I stopped drinking and finally felt clarity and peace. Prayer has been an anchor for me.
I met my husband Jordan three months after I was baptized and we were married four months after that. I never thought I would be married so soon. In fact, I always thought I would work a few years, get married and have children in my late twenties or early thirties. It seemed logical to create my life that way. After Jordan and I had been married a few months though, I felt a deep yearning to have a child. It really came out of no where because we had both “decided” that waiting a year or two for children was for the best. God has different plans for us all.
I had my first, Rico (Yes, I am using nicknames), in a birth center with midwives a little more than a year after we were married. I quit my job. 17 months later, Fredhead was born. That was followed by two girls born at home, Wheezer and Mimi. Throughout all of that I learned more about natural childbirth, breastfeeding, why a whole food plant-based diet was right for our family, and I learned I was an energy healer. It took a few years to listen to a prompting to change our more traditional homeschool into what we like to call “life learning.” We are each living our lives based on our interests and help eachother when we need help. It takes a lot of time and trust for one another to make this lifestyle successful.
I love studying different topics and I am continually learning to accept my womanhood and motherhood. I read mostly for information. I am striving to be more Christ-like with my family and in regards to myself. I am learning to love myself and my journey.
My husband is a piano technician and works from home, owning his own business. This means we eat almost three meals per day together as a family and we spend much more time together than traditional families in western cultures do. He grew up in Utah in a large stereotypical Mormon family (which I love). He is spiritual, hardworking and selfless.
Rico loves cheetahs and all other large cats. He has strong feelings and is very spirited. Fredhead loves castles, space, and video games. He is gentle and helpful. Wheezer is as girly as they come. Dress-up is her main interest and learning new songs from movies is so much fun for her. Mimi is our independent, bubbly, healer. She is funny and loves to serenade us in her many different outfits every day and all animals love her just as she loves them.
When I speak (or write) about my passions there is usually intensity. While it is never my intention to offend someone, I almost think it is an inevitability that something I write about will not resonate with some people. I welcome curiosity and hard questions but I will disregard rudeness. If you do not find this blog helpful then I wish you luck finding one that resonates with you. If you do find that what I write resonates with you, then I’m glad you are here and I hope I can help you grow as a person!